Cat Got Your Tongue

I'm constantly amazed how I can be so coherent and, gasp!, reasonably intelligent-sounding in writing, but when it comes to making concise, verbal statements that actually make sense and follow some rational thought pattern, I'm a complete klutz.

I actually attempted to verbally explain Deep Blue to someone today. Keeping in mind all the advice I'd ever read about giving a stellar book talk (You need a hook. Gotta have a hook. Oh, and make it concise as possible while still keeping it interesting), I was all set to launch into that gripping synopsis...and instead came off sounding like I'd spent the morning inside the Orb of Confusion. I assure you I was perfectly and 100% lucid and unaltered (unless you count the 4 cups of coffee in my bloodstream). Listening to myself ramble like a tweenage fangirl faced with One Direction, I couldn't help thinking, "Oh my god! Do I actually sound like that?" I wanted to slap myself with a ruler for each "Um" or "Like" or each time I backtracked. But, at the same time, I couldn't stop myself. Poor girl was patient enough to listen, nodding and smiling--and even asked a couple questions--but she was probably secretly thinking something along the lines of, "Really?!? YOU wrote a book?!?" And I'm sure she went away and told all her friends about the delusional madwoman who wants to be an author. I can only imagine their conversation:

Girl: I just listened to the worst book talk ever today! That crazy librarian was telling me about this book she wrote and, even now, I'm not sure if it was supposed to be about a dolphin or an evil clown*.

Friend: Really? And she actually wants to be an author?

Girl: I know, right! I kid you not, the woman couldn't even put two thoughts together. 

Friend: Do you think she'll get it published?

Girl: Search me. If she writes like she talks, I don't even want to think about what a hot mess of a disaster the book would be.

Friend: At least it would be good for a laugh.

Girl: True that. There needs to be more funny books out there.

Friend: Affirmative.

To be fair, I was nervous. I didn't expect to be asked about Deep Blue. And I'm the sort who isn't exactly comfortable tooting her own proverbial horn. When faced with that, I clam up. Get all jittery and shaky and cold-sweaty.

I can be thankful that at least I wasn't in front of a camera whilst giving said book talk. Had that been the case, I'd likely have dissolved into a quivering puddle of gibberish...which would have, in turn, garnered a visit from the men in white coats, come to fit me with a white coat of my own (complete with stylish shiny buckles).

Public speaking. I'm going to have to work on that before I really embarrass myself. Especially if I want to pitch this book to prospective agents and have them take me seriously.

I wonder if Dale Carnegie is accepting students. I'd promise not to get kicked out of class for doodling rather than note taking.

Also, wonder if I should go easy on the coffee.

*p.s. I assure you, there are no evil clowns in this book!